I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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