Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
