Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
