You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
