WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
