And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
