Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
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Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
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Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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