i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
