Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i barfeds in our rink
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
