cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
