This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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