I wish I could punch you in the face.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
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I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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