I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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