i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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