And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
