i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
