Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
