I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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