dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
