How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
