But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
