I heard we made out
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
