I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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