Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
