Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
