she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
