I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
