So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
