i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
