i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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