Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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