Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
