she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
