im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
