I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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