What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
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I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
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When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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