question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
