I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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