Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
