I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Is it penis luge time yet?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
