Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
