I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
