How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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