whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
