Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize