the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
