I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i now understand why vodka
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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