I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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