I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
