Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I deserve to be covered in dicks
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
