I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
