I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
