omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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