fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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