i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
