U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
