dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
