I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
