I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
