Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
