I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
