My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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