Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
