I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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