Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
