I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
