I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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