Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
