First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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