you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
