I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
