I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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