Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
