On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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