I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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